I was attracted to this guy and we decided to be friends with benefits. After the first time we hooked up, though, I realized that I liked him more than I thought. I want an actual relationship with him; not just sex.
Should I tell him? If so, how? And what should I say?
Just Tell Him How You Feel
Say, "Look, I want to be more than friends because I really like you. I don't want to be just friends with benefits." Just tell him how you feel! He might feel the same way. If not, leave him alone. --Posted by mrs.varner 09:59AM EST 02/19/08
He probably doesn't feel the same
You have to be prepared for the fact that he doesn't want a relationship. Otherwise, he probably would have already asked you out. You can try to figure out what he's thinking and feeling about you by inviting him to do more things than just hook up. Ask him to hang out with friends, see a movie, go out to eat, etc. If he goes with you and seems to enjoy himself (and also asks you to do things other than hook up), I think you should tell him how you feel.
Be prepared that if he doesn't feel the same way, things are not just going to go back to normal. And if he's not receptive to activities besides hooking up, then he doesn't want anything more out of the relationship than what he's already getting.
If that's the case, you should stop hooking up with him. You're only going to hurt yourself in the end if you don't. --Posted by annakay511 07:46PM EST 02/17/08
Just Ask!
I have been in the same situation. All you have to do is ask what he wants. If he wants to be more thne friends, he'll say so. --Posted by mariik 05:05PM EST 02/17/08
First of all, if your going to be friends with benefits you have to make sure you're mature enough to know it will never be more than just sex. But it's too late for that now, so next you should make sure you really have feelings for him. You may think you want a serious relationship with someone, but you may just like him as a friend. If not, just tell him straight out that you want a more serious relationship with him and he'll probably take it from there. --Posted by salems9 12:24PM EST 02/17/08
Give an Ultimatum
Been there, done that. You can't be friends with benefits with someone you have feelings for. You just can't. All you can do is stop hooking up with him and hope he'll miss you enough to want to be your boyfriend. I did that, and now he and I have been officially together for 9 months. But it doesn't always work out that nicely.
Whatever you do, don't think that having sex with him a few more times will change his mind. --Posted by glimmerglass 10:49AM EST 02/17/08
Examine Your Feelings
You need to examine your own feelings about why you feel you need to move this relationship from friends with benefits to something more. Sometimes sex can produce feelings that aren't true, or they can push forward feelings you didn't know you had.
If you understand why you want more, you need to tell him before it goes on too long and he gets comfortable in this type of relationship.
As for what to say? That's really up to you. Only you know the situation and can really gauge how to talk to him. --Posted by hislilarmybrat 11:47AM EST 02/16/08
Well...
When you tell a guy you want to be friends with benefits, all he's going to want is sex, not devotion or commitment. It may be hard to tell him what it is you want, and he might not see the point. If he dosent want to have a relationship, it's not worth it. You will just get hurt in the end. Plus, you don't really know how many other friends with benefits relationships he has right now besides you. --Posted by laurynnxx3 07:10PM EST 02/15/08
How Does It Really Make You Feel?
When you decided to be friends with benefits, what were your reasons? Maybe you both decided you had other things going on and didn't want to deal with the issues of relationships, or maybe something else. Whatever it was, keep these reasons in mind if you approach him.
Staying friends with benefits can be hard if you have more feelings for him. You might feel like he is disrespecting you by only wanting to hook-up and not wanting anything more.
So, before you confront him, think about how you feel and if a relationship with no strings attached is something you're really into. In theory, it sounds great! But usually, feelings get hurt... --Posted by brie460 04:55PM EST 02/15/08
Find Out What He Wants
Before you tell him how you feel, try to find out if he's looking for a relationship. Keep in mind that you both agreed to be friends with benefits, so he may not be ready to settle down with anyone.
Try bringing the subject up casually, or say something like "Look at that cute couple. Sometimes I wish I had a boyfriend." If it seems like he has the same feelings, take the conversation a step further. --Posted by fabulish 11:25AM EST 02/15/08
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